Parent Guidelines for Helping Youth after Mass Violence

The recent event that occurred at the Wolvarena was a very frightening experience.  The news of the incident may be a traumatic experience for your child, and it may leave you, as the parent/guardian, with the thought of “How do I deal with this?” The days, weeks, and months following this incident may be very stressful and create or enhance anxiety in your child. It may also trigger thoughts of past traumatic occurrences with your family or even within the community. According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (2021), below are common reactions that your child may experience during this time.  

Common Reactions 

• Feelings of anxiety, fear, and worry about the safety of self and others 
• Fears that another violent incident may occur 
• Changes in behavior: 
• Increase in activity level 
• Decrease in concentration and attention 
• Increase in irritability and anger 
• Sadness, grief, and/or withdrawal 
• Radical changes in attitudes and expectations for the future
• Increases or decreases in sleep and appetite 
• Engaging in harmful habits like drinking, using drugs, or doing things that are harmful to self or others  
• Lack of interest in usual activities, including how they spend time with friends 
• Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches, aches and pains)
• Changes in school and work-related habits and behavior with peers and family
• Staying focused on the event (talking repeatedly about it) 

Things I Can Do for My Child

• Spend time talking with your child. Let them know that they are welcome to ask questions and express their concerns and feelings. You should remain open to answering new questions and providing helpful information and support. You might not know all the answers, and it is OK to say that. At the same time, don’t push them to talk if they don’t want to. Let them know you are available when they are ready.

•  Find time to have these conversations. Use time such as when you eat together or sit together in the evening to talk about what is happening in the community. Try not to have these conversations close to bedtime, as this is the time for resting. 

• Clear up any misunderstandings. Oftentimes, immediately after an event, there is misinformation being reported. Clear up any misinformation and confirm reports from reliable social media and news sources. Let your children and teens know that as the situation unfolds and investigations continue, information may change. Let them know you will tell them if you hear anything different from what you discussed but they can ask you as well. 

• Help your child feel safe. Talk with your child about their concerns over safety. Encourage your child to voice their concerns to you or to teachers at school. Discuss non-violent ways to get their voice heard. This could include participating in a community group event, creating a group at school, or showing support to peers feeling an increased vulnerability. 

• Maintain expectations or “rules.” Stick with family rules, such as curfews, checking in with you while with friends, and keeping up with homework and chores. On a time-limited basis, keep a closer watch on where your child is going and what they are planning to do to monitor how they are doing. Assure them that the extra check-in is temporary, just until things stabilize. 

• Limit media and social media exposure. Protect your child from too much media coverage and social media about the incident, including on the Internet, radio, television, or other technologies (e.g., texting, Facebook, Twitter). Explain to them that media coverage and social media technologies can trigger fears and also spread rumors. Let them know they can distract themselves with another activity or that they can talk to you about how they are feeling. Also ask them to describe what they have seen online already so you can correct any misinformation or provide support. 

• Be patient. Your child may be more distracted and need added help with homework or projects. They may temporarily need extra time to complete their work or more frequent breaks. Make sure they are patient with themselves as well. 

• Monitor changes in relationships. Explain to children that strains on relationships are expectable. Emphasize that everyone needs family and friends for support during this time. Spend more time talking as a family about how everyone is doing. Encourage tolerance for how your family and friends may be recovering or feeling differently. Accept responsibility for your own feelings, by saying “I want to apologize for being irritable with you yesterday. I was having a bad day.” 

• Address radical changes in attitudes and expectations for the future. Explain to your child that changes in people’s attitudes are common and tend to be temporary after an incident like this occurs. These feelings can include feeling scared, angry, and sometimes revengeful. Find other ways to make them feel more in control and talk about their feelings.

• Get adults in your child’s life involved. If your child is having difficulties, let your child’s teacher or other caring adults know so that they can be of help.

• Seek professional help. If your child has continued difficulties for a couple of months after the incident, consult a trusted helper—a doctor or mental health professional.

Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2021). Parent Guidelines for Helping Youth after Mass Violence. Retrieved from https://www.nctsn.org/resources/parent-guidelines-helping-youth-after-mass-violence.